Posted By Kathleen David on February 22, 2018
The other day I was talking to a friend who was expressing their frustration about their ability to draw. They have a light cartoon style that is fun to look at but they know that they will never draw a comic book. They look at artists like Bill Sienkiewicz, Walt Simonson, Colleen Doran, Wendy Pini and Steve Ditko and feel that they aren’t a good artist. They have a following on tumblr for their cartoons and make pocket money from their Patreon account. They are a better artist than I will ever be and I told them so.
“But your puppets are so awesome,” came the reply. I am good at making puppets. I am really good at recreating costumes for puppets. I can make a frock coat in a short amount of time probably better than just about anyone on the planet. But I am not the best puppet maker on the planet. I know so many who are just better than I am at conceiving and executing a design. I am in awe of what my friends and fellow puppeteers can build. I know I am a good puppet builder but not the best puppet builder and I am OK with that.
And that’s something it took me a long time to learn and be comfortable with
There was an article in the New York Times on Wednesday entitled “The Promise of Self-Compassion for Stress-Out Teens” talking about how teenagers self-criticize to motivate themselves to the point of sever anxiety and depression. When told to have some self-compassion they are clueless as to how to do so.
Self-compassion is easy and very hard at the same time. It is treating yourself with the same kindness, love and concern that you have for your loved ones. It’s giving yourself a hug on occasion and telling yourself that it will be OK. Self-compassion encourages you to acknowledge your flaws and limitations, allowing you to look at yourself from a more objective and realistic point of view.
We have been touting the importance of self-confidence for years. “Believe in yourself and you can do anything.” “Fake it till you make it.” Which does work to a point and then the self-doubt sets in and that little voice informs you that you are going to be found out as the liar that you are.
I may not be a New York Times best-selling author like some people I know but I know I can write and entertain. And maybe some day I will be able to say NYT best-selling author if I keep at it but right now I am happy when someone tells me that something I wrote helped them or amused them or just gave them something it think about. I treasure a handmade bag that someone gave me because my writings helped them through some bad times and gave them an escape from what was going on around them.
A long time ago I directed a one-act play in a competition at my college. I had this handed to me because the previous director had to drop out. I worked with my two actors and we went over the piece a lot. We even creatively acquired a bench for the set that we returned once we had finished the run. The end of the play led to a lot of discussion between the three of us as to what the writer was trying to convey. I made the conscious decision to leave it at ambiguous as possible. I wanted the audience to be so stunned by the end even if they knew it that they forget to clap. I wanted dead silence for at least a split second and I will have achieved my goal. I told my actors that if I never direct anything else in my life, if we could do this I would be satisfied. It worked and there was 7 second pause before the audience started applauding. I had people who knew the play and had performed it compliment me on my direction of it. I did win a directing award that sits in our trophy case to this day. The play was The Zoo Story by Edward Albee and I will always remember that night that I had the audience in the palm of my hand. And I haven’t directed anything since except puppet shows.
I know my strengths and weakness and I accept them as part of me. I still strive to be better and to achieve more. I am not one to sit on my laurels. I will also practice self-compassion and give myself the same breaks I give the people around me.
I will never be able to barrel down a hill at over 70 miles an hour…sorry ski down a hill. I will never be part of a bobsled team. I am never going to be a pro-bowler but I enjoy bowling. I am not bad on the softball field but I know I don’t have professional skills in any form of athletics. And I am fine with that.
So have some self-compassion for yourself. Take a moment to love yourself. Give yourself a hug.
I am grateful for the abilities and even the limitations I have.
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