Posted By Kathleen David on July 24, 2011
Yesterday it was announced that Amy Winehouse had been found in her home dead. The cause of death is pending but I think we all suspect what it was.
The deaths in Norway are much more horrific and terrifying to me and I don’t understand those. I do understand to some degree what happened with Amy.
I have most of my adult life worked with creative folks in all kinds of different venues and circumstances. I have also worked with people who are functional for the most part but have serious issues with drugs and alcohol and many times these people are one and the same.
First time I had to confront a drug addict who was in a show I was stage managing was rather scary. For one thing this actor was known for his temper which could be violent and his use of drugs was pretty well known but directors loved him because he was such a good actor and could deliver powerful performances that would move you to tears. I found out from other actor that this guy had been doing coke with a friend in the dressing room after the show. I went to the dressing room and confronted the guy. I told him that I really didn’t give a crap what he did once he walked out of that stage door but when he was here, he was on my territory. And, since we were on a college campus, there were students here and he was suppose to be the professional that they were learning from. Did he really want them to learn this sort of unprofessional behavior? Apparently I had made a good enough impression on him that he didn’t try his rage thing but rather apologized for his behavior and promised to not do that again while he was in my show. And he was good to his word.
I was rather lucky because it could have gone very badly for me.
Over the years I gain a reputation in the theater community as firm but fair. Actors knew that their grievances would be heard and dealt with. Directors knew that I had a way of working with “difficult” actors and Producers knew I had a way of working with “difficult” directors. I just treated everyone equally when they walked into my rehearsal or show. Friendships were great but they stopped at the stage door when it came to certain issues.
There was one actor that I loved to work with. He was an older actor rather set in his ways which included a number of cocktails at various times during the day. He and I agreed that he was an adult and could drink whatever he wanted as long as it didn’t interfere with the show. He behaved himself for the most part until he went out for a long lunch with a buddy of his and showed up for rehearsal rather tipsy. I could see it from his walk in. I took the director aside and informed him of my suspicion. We quickly reworked the rehearsal schedule for the afternoon so I could get the actor out of there before everyone else showed up. I went and confronted the actor. He admitted what he had been doing at lunch. I just shook my head and informed him that I was mighty disappointed in him. I had trusted him to be there for rehearsal ready to go and he had let me down. He looked like he had been pole axed. I informed him that he was free for the afternoon and we were looking forward to him coming in for rehearsal tomorrow. I turned and he said “I’m sorry Kathleen. I am ashamed and I am sorry I lost your trust in me.” I will always remember that. He showed up the next day and for the rest of the shows stone cold sober. Anytime we did a show after that I didn’t have a problem with him and he told me a couple of years later he appreciated that I hadn’t let him get away with his usual behavior.
While I was in grad school there was a rather brilliant acting student that was magical to watch on stage. Your eye was pulled to him even if it was a minor role. He also had a serious heroin habit which he said he had kicked but he managed to hide it for a while but the truth did out. He went in and out of rehab a couple of times and seem to be on the path to recovery and then something would happen and he would be shooting up again. We did what we could for him supporting him in his recovery. His good friends kept an eye on him but eventually the call of the drugs came and he would follow their siren call. Post grad school he overdosed and that was that. We could all see it coming and did what we could be it was never enough.
From what I have dealt with the change can’t come from without. The change to confront the addiction has to come from within. And that is something I learned at a rather young age in my adult life. I have always support and encourage change in those addicts I have met in my various careers, but I know that I can’t make them change as much as it pains me.
For all of what Ms. Winehouse’s people said about her rehabbing and kicking her habits, I don’t think she ever made the change within that would have allowed her to get rid of those demons. I have seen it too many times.
But I have also seen people who have kicked their habits and move forward with life and do even more creative things than when they were on the stuff. So there is hope but again it has to come from within.
I am grateful for people who make positive choices in their lives.
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