Posted By Kathleen David on September 20, 2019
This is an entry with frank talk about depression. I am putting it behind a cut for those who do not care to read about it or cannot read about it for various reasons.
I will say to all that I am always willing to listen and I am here for you. My play it forward for all the people who have my back.
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I have talked about depression on this web log for a while.
When I started I would get messages saying talking about my mental health might not be a swift move because when I applied for jobs my social media would be looked at and this would be out there for my potential employer to see.
Now I get messages that they appreciate my frank talk about a subject that needs to be brought into the light and the stigma removed from mental health.
When I was a child people who had cancer were talked about in whispers. The obits would not mention that someone died of cancer but used various euphemisms instead. Then it was AIDS again spoken in whispers. AIDS is a little different since no one has died of AIDS but complications from. But still for a time it was not talked about.
Mental health is as important as physical health for a person to be healthy. The more research being done, the more we learn about the mind body connection. Being ill can make one depressed and depression can make one ill. So it can turn into a snake that is eating itself.
I had been avoiding my mental health for a while. I was just sucking it up and dealing with it. Things were wearing me down but I didn’t feel that I was that depressed. I knew others much worse off than me. I have a good life and didn’t feel that I had the right to be depressed so I used all the techniques I had learned over the years to cope and move on.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was Angelo’s death. Angelo had become my sounding board and he knew all my secrets. I knew I could call him or text to him and he would either allow me to rant or give me suggestions to solve the current issue.
I tried to cope but this time it just didn’t work. I got some lousy health news to add to my collection of life annoying problems and I lost it in the Doctor’s office. I just could not take it anymore. I had no more energy to do anything.
This lead to me getting a therapist and medication in rather short order.
Both have helped a lot.
I knew I was short on sleep because I was getting about 4 to 5 hours or less a night. Now I am getting a solid seven with more deep sleep than I have gotten in a long time.
I am exercising consistently. I was exercising but it was erratic and I let the excuses give me an out. I am now not letting the excuses or really good reasons get in the way of some time for me to workout.
You know those puppets I made for DragonCon? I tried to make them for months. I think I started in February but it was like pulling teeth. I got Vizzini done through sheer panic and I thought that might be the turn around point. But it wasn’t to be.
By August the meds had kicked in and I could finally get things done. I was able to get my creative in gear. I could face tasks and follow though on them. I could recognize when I was slipping back into habits that did not help me. In August I build/finished nine puppets then performed at DragonCon and gave three puppets to some very happy actors.
It is night and day in terms of my motivation and getting things done. It is still not perfect and there are days that I get that feeling of being overwhelmed with life. But it is so much better than it was.
So I move forward. I know things will have to be adjusted and eventually I will taper off these medications like I did previously. I have been through this before.
But right now I am grateful for getting my balance back.
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