How do you tell a 10 year old that her father might never be the same?
Posted By Kathleen David on January 2, 2013
New Years Day was again one of both ups and downs. The downs really sucked as we learn about Peter’s health and what is in his future. Nothing life threating however there will be major changes in how Peter is going to have to live the rest of his life.
The ups may seem minor but it is pretty big in my book. When Peter was asked to stick out his tongue after the stroke, it pointed to the right rather significantly. Today it was almost back to the middle. Also the droop on the right side of his face is not as pronounced. And best of all, he could grip my fingers tight enough that I could lift his hand off the bed which is an improvement from yesterday. I’ll take my wins where I can get them these days.
The big change was bringing Caroline into the loop as to what happened to her father and what the future held. How do you tell a very empathic and sensitive 10 year old that the father that she left at the Magic Kingdom is not the same father she is returning to?
It wasn’t easy but I did. I explained about the stroke and what had happened and, between the cascading tears, let her ask me questions. It was a long ride to Jacksonville trying to figure out how to tell her what was going on and a long ride back as I was driving so I couldn’t hold my sobbing daughter. She came up with a crazy theory that it was her fault because she wanted to come down to Florida, which I quashed quickly. I pointed out that even if we had just gone home from Atlanta, this would have happened sooner or later. Eventually she cried herself to sleep as I tried not to have tears fill my eyes as well since I was driving.
We got to the Hospital and I took her up to her father’s room. She stood in the room looking at him a little stunned. Ariel was sitting next to him and asked if Caroline wanted to sit next to Daddy. She nodded and fought back the tears that were welling in her eyes. Peter explained to Caroline what had happened and what he could and couldn’t do. Ariel explained how to stimulate the right hand and help Daddy with his “kung-fu grip”. Caroline was trying not to cry but Peter asked if she wanted a hug she nodded yes and as Peter hugged her the flood gates opened. I couldn’t understand half of what she was saying but she was pouring out all her fears to him. Peter told her that he understood and he was scared too. There were more hugs and assurances given to her.
In the end she understood what had happened and what was going to happen next. She is not happy about it but understands that this is all to get her Daddy back to her so they can do things together like they always did.
Since the blackout dates are past except Magic Kingdom, I took the girls to Disney Hollywood studios (at Peter’s insistence that we get out of there for a bit) and we rode Star Tours a couple of time and then build their father a Skippy the Jedi Droid with a pirate hat (because to solve the double vision, Peter has to wear an eye patch).
I am grateful for every improvement that Peter has shown since the stroke.
Still sending good thoughts and prayers your way – for you, for Peter, for your girls.
Thanks for the updates, Kath… just keep hanging in there….
Aside from being a good partner and wife, you are a very good Mommy. Still thinking of you all.
I am hoping that the little improvements keep piling up, so that you will sometime soon be able to look back in horror and relief: Horror at how bad he was just after the stroke, and profound relief that he is (will be) so close to being back to normal.
Glad to hear of progress. When I was 12 years old I was hit by a car and stopped breathing. I was told I would never walk again, never talk clearly and probably never be able to hold a job that required me to talk on a phone. A year and a half later my Mom came home to find me walking across the living room with the help of a friend.
I had to learn how to walk and talk again it took a long time and some really great people to help. (don’t swallow the marbles) Eventually I built the ‘roads and went on to become an accountant, costumer, and belly dancer.
This is going to take time, it will be a journey and Peter will make a wonderful pirate.
I think you’re doing great with it Kathleen, and so is Caroline. So is Peter, of course. You guys are rocks, in the best possible way.
Our prayers/good vibes/best wishes are with you all…
You and your family are inspiring. Hang in there.
That sounds a lot like what happened when Lisa had to tell Katherine about my car accident last fall. Scary times all around.
We all very much appreciate the updates here; as usual, please let me know if there’s any way for us to help out!
I’m a Brazilian writer who is trying to overcome tons of obstacles, trying to achieve some dreams, between them, become a writer in the U.S. comic book market. I’m looking to improve my English, increasingly among other set of skills for this. Some years ago, I had the honor of exchanging a few emails with Peter, where he used his precious and priceless time to give me some advice, and this was repeated on Twitter and Facebook. I have no words to describe how much his work means to me, how much he inspires me and how grateful I am for few and perfect words he directed at me. Since then, I follow his words with precision and they were always very, very helpful. I wish the best recovery. It is time for the strength he always demonstrated as a professional and as a person. Love you, Peter. Recover soon. Thanks for the info, Kath.
All my best wishes for a speedy recovery for Peter, Kathleen.
Love and prayers, Kathleen.
Thanks for the update. Peter and your entire Family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Peter and you are both very special to me. My heart is with both of you.
Always sending my best thoughts to a man that makes the world a better place to live.
From his fans on Brazil.
Hang in there!
I had the pleasure of hanging out with you at an Albacon several years ago. Peter is one of my favorite authors. I wish him a recovery so fast and complete that you’ll catch the doctors taking notes on it for an article! 😉
All my hopes…
It’s good that you’re making it clear to Caroline that it isn’t her fault. Children have a way of assuming guilt onto themselves which, as you know only too well, is heartbreaking for their parents.
Tell her again (as I’m sure you already have) that there are people All Over The Whole World who love her daddy and want him to get better, too.
I had a stroke in 2011 and can tell you that there WILL be improvements. It will be a long, difficult road, but don’t give up. As you said, take your ups where you can find them.
Drop me a line if you want to vent.
Thanks for the update Katherine, all of us are thinking of Peter down here in Maryland! I really wish Peter could attend Farpoint this year so we can all hug him and give our good thoughts directly, but know that you’ll all be in our hearts until we see you again!
sad news, i didn’t knew bout peter’s stroke in the first place. all the best for you and the whole family. peter is one the greatest contemporary comic writers – period.
i hope 2013 turns out good for you and your family.
all the best from germany,
c. straub
Very happy to hear the little victories…It is a slow process, but it sounds like Peter has the right attitude and is up for the fight. May God and/or those closest to you continue to give you the comfort and strength you need during this trying time, Kathleen.
My eyes filled with tears as I read this.
Two relevant points: I’m a comics guy who is an ENORMOUS fan of your husband’s. I lost my father to a stroke in 2011.
I know a little something of what Caroline is going through. Even at 40, I found ways to blame myself for what happened to my father. That is both normal and crappy.
You and your family have every good vibe and positive wish you could ever want coming from this office.
My son made his own Skippy at Star Tours after reading Peter’s story.
I wish him the speediest recovery and will miss seeing him at conventions this year. He is always fun to talk to.
This might be an anticipated thing already but important enough to mention; my mother in law lost her father to a heart attack at age five after they visited the zoo. Even though she knows intellectually it was not her fault, to this day she still has issues about it being her fault because she was the one who wanted to go to the zoo. In this day in age, we talk about things a lot more but I wanted to voice this because I would hate for any child to ever think they played a part in a crummy life circumstance because they wanted to go to Disney…..just sayin’
I am so glad Peter is improving. Loving wishes to you, Peter and the family.
Kathleen & Family,
I’m a big fan of Peter’s work and I’ve been following updates on his condition since the news broke. My father had a stroke last year so I understand what you’re going through and sympathize greatly with you & your family. These first few weeks are the toughest but the signs that he seems to be showing are very positive. It’s going to take a lot of work from Peter and the rest of the family to get him back to “normal” (some things will never be normal, but you can get close.” My thoughts are with you and I hope to hear more positive news soon.
Kathleen,
I was fortunate to meet Peter at MadCon 2010 and he was every bit the mensch. I am so sorry and will say a prayer for him in synagogue on Saturday. Please know you are in the thoughts and prayers of many people
Mark
Kathleen – a friend of mine had a stroke about 2 years ago. It affected her visual cortex, and she was effectively blind. It was a long road back for her, but she’s doing fine now. John and I are praying for Peter, you, and the rest of your family. We know that you won’t be at Far Point, but you guys will be missed. One thing that I can recommend from my friend’s experience is to see if your local hospital in NY has a Stroke Support Group. Attending the one down here in Maryland REALLY helped my friend to know that she wasn’t alone. Once he gets stabilized and gets home, you will have a lot of physical and occupational therapy to help him out. And you should look into some kind of caretaker support for yourself, too. Lots of hugs to everyone! – Annie and John White of the USS Chesapeake.
This is very sad yet, yes also such a moving testament of the strong love that always has enveloped Caroline. Kath, David & Ariel may you love for Caroline and each other continue to be the force that moves you all forward. Hugs, Ray
Best wishes to you both. Three years ago, I read a sensational book by Jill Bolte Taylor, a brain surgeon who herself had a stroke at age 37. The book goes into intimate and skilled detail about her path to recovery. It might bring you great comfort and provide pragmatic and technical assistance, as you help guide your partner Mr. David back to health.
Here’s the link on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0452295548/associatizer-20/
Good luck!
Michael Thorner
Sending as much positive karma as I can for Peter, and as much strength as I can for you and your family. My father suffered a massive stroke in 1997; it left him paralyzed on his right side, and his speech center was also damaged… I’m relieved to read that Peter is not as bad as my dad was, so that gives me hope… Best to you and your family – Use the love of Peter’s fan-base to help you through this; we don’t mind.
[…] condition following his stroke, but his wife Kathleen has a blog post yesterday called simply How do you tell a 10 year old that her father might never be the same? and its a powerful, affecting piece of writing. Those who know Kathleen know she’s a talented […]
Prayers and best wishes to you Kath, Peter and the children. Nice to read of the small victories.
Yeah. Get her past THAT one fast.
Kids can so easily convince themselves of things like that (or “I didn’t love Daddy enough and that’s why he went away” or other such) because their world is (quite normally and properly) self-centered.
That just brought me to tears! God bless, Kathleen. It took a strong heart to say what you said so that your daughter could understand what’s going on with her dad. Get well soon, Peter! We’re all counting on you! Sending my thoughts & prayers your way, Kathleen. Take care. 🙂
you guys are loved. in times like these your goodnesses will be rewarded and you’ll be surrounded by even us “strangers” who care. 🙂
Prayers & well wishes for you all.
My thoughts are with you and your family. All the best for your recovery! Get well soon!
I am keeping you guys in my prayers, it is good to hear there are wins in this already, size does not make the difference in a win. Peter is by far my favorite comic writer and I was over the moon t get to meet him in Calgary in the spring last year, so much so that I just had to give him a Multiple Man minimate even though he already had one. I could not imagine how hard it would be to try and explain this to children, as a father of 5 I hope they never have to go through something like this. Thanks for the update and stay strong, there is a whole world of people behind you guys!
Kathleen you had me all teary eyed. You are one strong lady. Continued best wishes 🙂
Long time fan of Peter’s, am very glad to hear he’s improving. On top of all the little things, I’m very glad to hear he’s able to communicate. A good friend of mine had a major stroke in July 2011…worst thing for everyone was that he was unable to communicate effectively for so long. Even now, as the little improvements come–lift an arm higher, sitting up a little longer–each and every one is a blessing.
My best to Peter, you, and the girls.
Ðámņ, I read this at work and now my co-workers are wondering why I’m all teared up at my desk.
Peter has had a propensity to share his experiences with his daughters in his columns and website over the years, and i could always tell that he loved them to death (and vice vesa). It always inspired me to be the very best father I could to my own daughter (now eight) and I can’t help imagining myself and her now being in the same position as Peter and Caroline.
To say it hurts when a loved one is stricken like this is an understatement. And the hurt reciprocates when the stricken one sees the anguish it causes to his/her family. But that’s all based on a well spring of love and it’s that same love that will see them through this. Yes, it hurts like hëll, but if the love wasn’t there, well, what’s the worth of going on? Peter and his family obviously love each other very much and have a lot to live for and I think that will get them through the hard times.
In the meantime, I will continue to weep and hug my daughter like crazy and keep praying for a speedy recovery. It probably wouldn’t hurt to get my ášš back to the gym and get a check-up myself while I’m at it (I’m no spring chicken myself and come from a high-risk family).
Peter’s always been one of the high quality people in the industry (heck, in life) and I know that it’s no understatment to say that there are literally thousands of people out there rooting for him. We love you guys. Keep striving and we’ll keep praying . . .
Heartbreaking, but thank you for the updates.
Caroline is stronger than you think. You all are, including Peter. Kathleen, thank you for keeping us updated, because we all care about you guys.
If nothing else, Peter can still hug his daughters, and that is probably the best physical therapy anyone can give.
Also, thanks for reminding me of “Skippy”. I had read that story years ago, but had not realized that Peter had written it. Amid all the worry, you brought a small smile to my day.
I wish you all a speedy recovery.
I hope and pray for the best possible recovery for Peter.
God bless you all during this time of real challenge. I hope the best for Peter and pray he will make continue to improve. As a parent, it hits a deep place in me with the thought of what you had to go through to explain what was going on to your daughter on top of what you and Peter are dealing with. Nothing but love to you guys.