I am warning for discussion of depression and possible triggers for depression. This entry is form my Point of View and your mileage may vary greatly.<\/p>\n
I had a depressive episode yesterday that I recognized as the beginning of the slide into not caring about anything and the dark pit of despair looming in front of me.<\/p>\n
So I worked back to why I might be depressed and tried to figure how to keep from going further into the slide.<\/p>\n
It could have been the bad news we got in the mail. It could have been the end of that \u2018time of the month\u2019 although if I am sliding then it tends to be right before. It could be some bad news I got on the Internet several times yesterday. Or it could be a chemical imbalance in my brain that I need to counteract in some way.<\/p>\n
It could have been all of the above or none.<\/p>\n
All I knew was that I was sitting on the couch with no will or wish to do anything.<\/p>\n
I went back through my day and found that I had been pushing myself to do things all day. I got up after not a good night\u2019s sleep. I got Caroline\u2019s breakfast and my coffee. We went to the gym. I fixed the broken toilet seat and a clogged drain. I loaded the dishwasher and wiped the counters. We got Caroline some clothing that fits since her legs seem to be lengthening each day. I dealt with dinner. I made sure that the cats had food and water.<\/p>\n
But things fell to the floor and I left them there. I just dumped things in the living room without putting them anywhere proper. I tripped over things and did nothing. <\/p>\n
No writing except my earlier blog entry and that was pulling teeth to write. No puppet work. No work on Caroline\u2019s project that she now has a week to finish and I am the reason she is not working on it. She needs my help and I am not being the best at giving it to her. <\/p>\n
I have so much to do and no will or want to do anything. I am stuck in neutral at best.<\/p>\n
And that\u2019s my form of depression without the suicidal component. Don\u2019t worry, I am not thinking of harming myself in anyway. I have too much to live for. I have a husband who loves me and a daughter that I have promised to be there for. I have puppets to make and words to write. I have friends to celebrate with and new friends to make. I don\u2019t feel desperate, I feel numb and a little sad because I feel numb.<\/p>\n
After another night of not great sleep, I got up this morning. I picked up the stuff that had fallen on the floor. I cleaned up the kitchen. I made Caroline breakfast and myself coffee. Caroline has a Girl Scout activity sorting food at a food pantry today. I need to get some food into the house for the week. <\/p>\n
I sat down and wrote this out. I will probably post it next and then go onto the next thing that needs to be done today. <\/p>\n
One foot in front of the other and moving forward. <\/p>\n
If that is the best I can do today, it will be enough. I can take care of that which must be done and work on what should be done.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ll take my little victories like clean counters or a coffee table that the cats enjoy because it is clear. I will try to get other things that should be done like clean laundry upstairs and the grocery shopping. <\/p>\n
I will not worry about what other people haven\u2019t done or should have done. I have no control over that. <\/p>\n
I will do the best I can and try bring myself back out of neutral and into drive.<\/p>\n
I am grateful for each thing I will get done today.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I am warning for discussion of depression and possible triggers for depression. This entry is form my Point of View and your mileage may vary greatly. I had a depressive episode yesterday that I recognized as the beginning of the slide into not caring about anything and the dark pit of despair looming in front […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-5449","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/kathwp.malibulist.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5449","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/kathwp.malibulist.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/kathwp.malibulist.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kathwp.malibulist.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kathwp.malibulist.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=5449"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/kathwp.malibulist.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5449\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5450,"href":"https:\/\/kathwp.malibulist.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5449\/revisions\/5450"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/kathwp.malibulist.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=5449"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kathwp.malibulist.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=5449"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/kathwp.malibulist.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=5449"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}