Posted By Kathleen David on February 15, 2020
With very few exceptions, I think everyone deals with imposter syndrome at one time or another. Imposter syndrome is s a psychological pattern in which one doubts one’s accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”.
When I turned 18 my parents took me out for dinner to the Pleasant Peasant and we talked about all kinds of things. At one point my father talked to me about now legally being an adult and the duties and responsibilities there in. He said he would give me the secret about being an adult and he handed me a small gift. I opened it up and it was a Spock doll. He said the trick is that you are never going to feel that you are adult and there will be times you will wonder how you are getting away with this.
And he was right. I have continued to grow but the child I was is who I still am just with a lot more worldly experience.
I have talk about how I didn’t feel like an artist just a crafter for years. I didn’t see what I did as art and calling it art make me feel like a fraud. I also written about how a fellow artist sat me down and made me see what I was doing was art. Since then I have used the title artist without feeling like I am fooling people.
One thing I have never had a doubt in my mind about is that I am a writer and storyteller. I have always been one and will always be one. That and puppets are two constants in my being and are part of my basic core. What is nice is that now I am a published author with a list of stories in various anthologies and some fanfic hidden on the net all well received.
Self-sabotage can go hand in hand with imposter syndrome.
Self-sabotage is when behaviors create problems in daily life and interferes with long standing goals. The most common are procrastination, self-medicating with drugs or alcohol or food, and, in the more extreme, self-harm like cutting.
Procrastination can be a b*tch of a mistress. It can come out of fear or perfectionism or one of many other reasons.
Sometimes it can feel like a total paralysis as one looks at the task and it is so overwhelming there seems no starting point or end point. One might plot and plan how to overcome the inertia but getting it started can be one heck of a mountain.
Other times it goes hand in hand with imposter syndrome where one does not believe in their abilities because they have just been fooling everyone anyway. They have just been skating by and they will be seen as the fraud they are.
It is very hard to break these patterns. It takes work and, in some cases, help in the forms of therapy or medication. One needs to form other habits or ways of looking at the problem to get rid of the bad habit that holds one back.
There are no simple solutions but I think it is worth it to try to work to find ways around those sorts of patterns.
I have no great wisdom here. I know I am a procrastinator and have used self medication to calm my mind which did not have the desired effect. But I have worked hard to counter those bad habits.
This week I am behind the 8 ball but it is a situation of my own making. I have a plan to get done what I want to get done. I procrastinated and am paying the price.
But I am in a better place than I have been in a long time and it does not seem impossible. I just have to start and continue forward momentum.
I am grateful for the help I have had over the years.
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