No Strings Attached

Posted By Kathleen David on December 5, 2021

I had the title of stepmother to Peter’s children but on this day nineteen years ago I added the title of Mother due to the birth of Caroline.

She changed my world by coming into this one. 

As you, dear reader, well know, I am very proud of my daughter.

She has taken to New York City like a duck to water.

She is enjoying her time at F.I.T. and has made new friends and had many new experiences.

I enjoy hearing what she is up to and what she is hoping to do next.

It is very different from last year when she was in high school but that is part of growing up.

My goal was to give her the tools she needed to be an adult. I think I did okay in that department.

I love hearing her talk about things she is passionate about.  I share in her glee.

She is following in the family tradition of being a doggone good photographer. Her composition is amazing.

She is still the loving and caring person I got to meet first.

Yesterday she had a party with her friends from high school. Today she parties with her new friends from college.

I have enjoyed watching her grow from a bitty baby to the young woman she is now.

Caroline, I love you more than I can say. Hope the day went well for you.

I am so very grateful that Caroline is my daughter.

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Posted By Kathleen David on November 25, 2021

What a difference a year makes.

Last year we were tentatively getting back together to celebrate. This year we feel much more comfortable for a gathering with friends and family.

We are not out of the wood, but I think the trees are getting thinner.

I am thankful for so many things this year.

After last year, I am not taking anything for granted.

I am thankful for my family both blood and chosen. They have my back and will listen when I want to vent my frustrations and fears. They also share my joy with my accomplishments.

I am thankful that Caroline is going to the Fashion Institute of Technology in the film and media program. She has taken both to the school and New York City like a duck to water. She is very happy there. She has made new friends and kept up with her friends out here on the Island.

I am thankful to Ronnie, her roommate, for giving her a safe space to live along with Baby Dumpling, Grover, and Macy, Ronnie’s three dogs. Caroline has animals to interact with. That is great because she grew up with animals in her life. Ronnie also had shown Caroline the ropes about living in the city.

I am thankful for my husband and all that he does for me.  We know each other so well and love each other a little more each day. I know he believes in me and my abilities. Sometimes he gives me a metaphoric kick in the rump to get me going. But he also knows when to give me room which I truly appreciate.

I am thankful for my job and co-workers. The managers lead by example, and this gives me a very positive place to work where I know my concerns will be heard. The past couple of weeks has been all about getting Christmas out and ready to go which has led to some overnights and long hours to get it done but I really don’t mind. 

I am thankful for the customers who have gotten me to exercise my brain as I help them create their dream projects. I have learned tricks and tips from our customers and my fellow co-workers as well.

I am thankful for the various creative opportunities I have had over the past year. I have had to think fast and work hard to get them done on time.  But each has made me better as a creator.

I am thankful for our cats, Figaro, Inky, Mewlan, and Phoebe. They can be immense knuckleheads, but they can also be very affectionate and comforting. Also, they are great footwarmers.

I am thankful for the conventions I attended, and those Peter attended without me. It was great to see old friends and make some new ones. The first ones felt very tentative but were still fun. I look forward to the slate next year and seeing more friends I have not seen in two years.

It has been a much better year than last year but that was a pretty low bar.

I look forward and hope that a year from now I will be able to say that the previous year was better than this one.

I am so very grateful for all the good things in my life. I think even more so than every before.

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Posted By Kathleen David on November 15, 2021

It doesn’t matter what your mental health is, we all have bad days.

Those days seem to come out of nowhere and bite us on the rump.

How we deal with them is a very personal choice.

There was a time that I reacted to these sorts of days very badly. I felt like curling up in a ball and letting the world forget I exist.

As my mental health improved, my reaction to bad days changed. 

One thing I learned about myself is that when I cry a lot of times it is because I am not sad but angry and have no way to express this anger.

Now I go to the gym and work out or clean something or fix something. I channel my energy into that.

Bad days can be a drain on your limited mental resources that are already strained because of the stress you are under.

I don’t think I know one unstressed person right now. The pandemic has put everyone on edge, and we are waiting for the next shoe to drop. Feeling safe to be out in a crowded public area does not exist for me.

I have an appointment for my booster and flu shot. Next my shingles shot(s) since I had chickenpox when I was a child. I am so glad that Caroline was vaccinated against it and never had to experience that itch.

But every cough is disturbing.

I put on my mask at work because I was coughing due to glitter, fake snow, and strong smells which triggered the cough and a nasty post-nasal drip down my throat, and I wanted the customers to be comfortable around me.

Bad days can be a drag. Try to remember a good day and that there will be good days again.

It can be hard to do, but I believe in you.I am grateful for things that mitigate my bad days and help my mental health.

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Posted By Kathleen David on November 14, 2021

Today is my father’s birthday.

He is in his eighties but still very active.

He does the New York Times crossword puzzle every day and is very good at it. 

My parents sold their house and moved to a condo last year which was still under strict COVID-19 restrictions as was more of the city.

This year they got their vaccine shots including the booster and can go out and do some of the activities that they love like to go out to dinner and the theater.

They are waiting for the time that they can go back to their globetrotting.

They are adjusting to their new normal.

My father is my IT department. If I have a computer question, he is my first call. If he doesn’t know, he knows where to look for the answer.

We share books, movies, and TV show that we like with each other especially if we think the other would like it. That is how Peter and I discovered Ted Lasso.

At a very early age I figured out that my father was very smart probably smarter than a lot of my fellow classmates’ dads. Plus, my dad got to play with lasers. I think I knew what laser meant before most of the world. Light Amplification by Stimulation Emission of Radiation. It should be Oscillation rather than Amplification, but no one wants to work with a loser. That joke is one I have heard over the years during my father’s lectures about lasers and I still find it funny.

My father made sure that we talked in a very neutral American accent which we called Newsman speak. When we lived in Boston, I was gentle corrected when I said a word in a Boston accent. I find it amusing when I tell someone I grew up in Atlanta and they say, ‘But you don’t have a southern accent.” That was my parents working very hard to keep us understandable no matter where we went. I do use y’all.

My father has a passion for photography. I see their travels through his lens, and he is very good at it. He has the eye for what would look good, and his composition is excellent. I can only hope to be half as good as he is.

My father shared his passions and interests with us. If he found something interesting, he wanted to share it with us. It led to some very interesting dinner conversation on all kinds of topics. 

He wanted us to challenge ourselves and not take things at face value. We were taught to do our own research and find out all we can.  I call this going down the rabbit hole which has led me some interesting places and solidified or changed my opinion about various subjects.

He taught us the scientific method and I use the basics on that just about every day.

He shared his sense of whimsy and love of worked play with us. I can remember on my eighteenth birthday the speech he gave me about being an adult and it is still among the best advice I have ever been given. I have the Spock figure he gave me that night to remind me of what was said.

I love my father very much and respect him.

Happy Birthday Dad! Hope the day brings you lovely memories.

I am so very grateful that my Dad is my Dad.

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Posted By Kathleen David on November 11, 2021

Today we put those who have served our country front and center.

We recognize their sacrifices and celebrate their good deeds.

One of the places I go to lunch has a Veterans meet up on Monday. The one WW2 vet passed from COVID last year. There are a number of people who served in Vietnam and Korea. There are a number that served in Operation Desert Storm and in Afghanistan. 

It is not always talk of bygone days. There was one day when the withdrawal from Afghanistan was announced and two of the people at the bar had served in that war. One when it began and the other had gotten back from his third tour about a month ago. We talked about the consequences of leaving and that this should have been done years ago. They talked about friends and comrades they had lost along the way which led to the other vets talking about their experience as well.

It was very educational for me.

We have several veteran posts in town and a lot of the people who moved out to Patchogue were vets from WW2.

We have military families that have served now for generations. I know one that have members who fought in the Civil War. 

I have friends who answered the call to service from all the branches of the service included the Coast Guard.

It takes a certain type of person to join the military. It has helped many step out of poverty and give them skills that get them good jobs.

They have served us and now we need to step up and help them.

Veterans’ services are a mess. 

The amount of paperwork and red tape for someone to get the things they were promised when they signed is criminal.

Then there are the Veteran medical benefits along with the hospitals which are in total disarray.

Things that our soldiers were exposed to while fighting for us make take years for the effects show up. Cancer is a big one. You have to prove that the cancer came from your time of service, or you are denied.  Other chronic problems can be traced back but are often denied because “it can’t be proven” or something that the service member did might have been the cause.

Mental health is another thing that Veteran services have been woefully pitiful at. The damage done mentally can show up at any time during a veteran’s lifetime. Not just when they get back. 

This has been discussed in the mainstream media. I learned about the burn pits and the toxic smoke that the entire encampment created it.

It is all great and good to bring attention to the problem, but we need to act before more people die of things they could have been treated for but were not because they were stonewalled by the very agencies that are supposes to help them.

We need to write our congressional members to bring this to the floor and fix this problem along with an overhaul of Veteran services so we, as a country, can deliver on the promises given to service members.

They served us, now we need to serve them.

I am grateful for all the veterans in my life.

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