No Strings Attached

Posted By Kathleen David on August 24, 2020

Monday August 24, 2020 aka Day 48 of the Cautionary Tale.

Things are pretty much stable right now in my head.

I have gotten things done and my mental state is even.

That makes me feel better overall.

It was not a perfect week with some second guessing and panic.

Today I feel more normal than I have in years. 

Better living through chemistry, I guess. But that fine because right now I need something in my system to keep me from spiraling down into the abyss. 

I also know that these medicines are temporary for the most part. 

I would also like to say again that I would really like to get rid of the stigma of taking medicine for the brain. Mental health drugs are treated by many with suspicion. No one questions when someone takes a medication for their blood pressure or cholesterol. Taking a medication that helps one’s anxiety is just the same thing. And right now, a lot of us are very anxious.

Considering what is going on right now, we have every right to feel however we are feeling. The world has PTSD and it is not going away anytime soon. 

Caroline and I were talking about this in relation to what happened on September 11, 2001 and the aftermath. I told her how I changed on that day and how the United States changed on that day. This pandemic is more universal as the entire country is affected by it rather than New York City and Washington DC. We are all feeling the hurt on this one.

I am grateful for a calm mind.

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Posted By Kathleen David on August 23, 2020

A phrase I heard in a dream I had last night. 

Apparently, it is in the Urban dictionary as when you start drinking Mimosas or Bloody Marys as the hair of the dog from your partying the night before at Brunch and then continue to drink yourself through to day until you are totally wasted but stopping about 6:30 so you can rehydrate and get enough sleep to go to work the next day. Sounds like Sunday on Fire Island to me.

Mine was said to me by a large Otter, like human-sized, dressed as a ringmaster for the insane circus I was at. My brain does interesting things when I sleep.

Today I slept in for me and got up about 8:30. I feel rested and ready for the day.

I have plans for today I hope I can do. I know what I want to get done and what I need to get done. 

I am grateful for the weird places my brain takes me.

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Posted By Kathleen David on August 22, 2020

Attitude (noun) 

A settled way of thinking or feeling about someone or something, typically one that is reflected in a person’s behavior.

Gratitude (noun)

The quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.

I have been putting something I am grateful for at the end of most of my entries since August 12, 2004. I got the idea from another blogger who challenged us to a week’s challenge say something we were grateful for. Sixteen years later I am still doing it.

Some days it is hard to pull something up that I am grateful for. Other days I have many things that come to mind.

It helps me when I am feeling helpless or angry or depressed that I still have good things happening around me. 

There are studies that say thinking about all we are grateful for can help our mental health. It is one way to short circuit the feeling of helplessness. Reflection on one’s life is not a bad thing to do.

There is a difference between reflection and dwelling on one’s past. 

Some people are stuck with their woulda shoulda coulda voices. They obsess that point in their life that they feel it all went wrong. Or when they felt their life was at its best and it has been all downhill from there.

I have had some of those voices in my head but when I reflect where I am now, if I had gotten that life, I wouldn’t have this one. 

Everything I have in my life now is due to the path I took to get here. I am not saying my life is perfect, but I am glad I am where I am now.

I try to be a kind person to others. Saying please and thank you doesn’t cost me anything and it can make someone else feel better. Being polite to the people I encounter in a day just seems the right thing to do. My mother taught me that.

Doesn’t mean I am a push over when I am shoved.

I have a low bull crap tolerance. People who try to blow sunshine up my skirt are met with guarded suspicion. I can tell honest emotion verses an artifice of emotion. I have had to deal with enough narcissists in my time. 

I try to see the best in people. I encourage others to be their best. 

I try to be a positive force in the world. Some days that is not easy, but I still try.

I am grateful for everything I have listed over the years that I am grateful for.

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Posted By Kathleen David on August 21, 2020

If you told me when I started using computers that I would have in my lap a machine more powerful than what I was working with, I would have been skeptical but given my love of science fiction I would not dismiss the possibility.

It was the microchip that was a game changer and allowed for personal computers in the home.

I was 14 when we got our first home computer which was an Apple II.  A word processing program allowed us to type papers and correct them before printing.

Since then the glowing screen has been a part of my writing.

For a number of years, I would hand write out my stories and then transcribe them. Eventually I managed to get my brain to switch so I could type them out as I was working through them.

The ability to send things electronically has opened up so many options for writing. Peter doesn’t have to send a manuscript through the mail to the editor or fax pages for a comic book, he can send the file attached to an email. Saves lots of time and speeds up the process.

I have been writing these entries since January 2004. Over time I have learned and refined my skills to write essays about my life. The first ones were really short as I got my footing under me. Now they are longer and more involved.

The reason I write these has changed too. It went from keep my family informed about Caroline and my life to something more.

My writings have touched people. I have helped people. I have changed people’s minds about some subjects. I have taught people through this medium. 

That is what keeps me writing this every day or pretty much every day. Out of five months, I missed one day which is almost a record for me. 

I look at the blank page that glows back at me and set out to write in hopes that it helps one person however they need it.

I am grateful for word processing programs.

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Posted By Kathleen David on August 20, 2020

I don’t think I need to say this will be random thoughts before the coffee kicks in.

I woke up before the sun and felt rested. 

Rather than stay in bed, I got up and started my day. 

The cats looked a little surprised when I came downstairs but immediately ran to the kitchen for their breakfast. Now they are settling down around the house for power nap number one for the day.

Today is going to be cooler but humid. We may have a pop-up rainstorm because of the conditions. 

Right now, the golden sunlight is dancing through the trees. It is beautiful. 

There is a calm I love to experience right as my part of the world is waking up. Before the traffic picks up as people go to work. Before the lawn mowers, construction, and chainsaws start up. Where I hear bird song and the breeze.

That gives me a good start to the day because I can use this feeling and keep it moving through the day.

I was such a night owl in my younger days. Now I am an early bird. And I don’t mind that.

I tend to get more done when I get up early. 

I am grateful for sunrises that inspire me.

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