No Strings Attached

Posted By Kathleen David on September 30, 2020

Civil discourse is an engagement in discourse (conversation) intended to enhance understanding.

And I am not even talking about the debocal that we saw last night in Ohio. I am still angry and sad about it. 

Since March, a lot of people have more free time than they ever had before. 

Since they have this time, a number of them have decided to stir up trouble in various fandoms. Some are doing it for the laughs and to make themselves feel better. Others are trying to get the powers that be to make the entertainment they want.

The Internet, for all its wonderful qualities, has created monsters. Individuals who hide their real names and create chaos and discord. People who boast about what they have destroyed and they count coup with each other. They get bonus points if they run their target off the Internet.  

Debate (n) a formal discussion on a particular topic in a public meeting or legislative assembly, in which opposing arguments are put forward.

When I was at Emory working in the reference department, there were a couple of weeks that I dreaded because I knew what kind of mess I was going into. Finals was one of them. But the one that was een a bigger mess was when it was debate week where high school students from all over the country gathered at Emory for the debate tournament.

They got their topic of debate when they arrived so they spent all their free time on debate prep in the library.

I went to watch a round of the tournament and when they had the floor they made their points and counterpoints then let the other debater make their. Someone got penalized for an aggressive eye roll while the other person was talking.

That is a debate.

Shouting to be the loudest is not debating, it is bullying and crass.

Belittling your opponent is crass and bullying.

Using false or disproved information is beyond the pale.

In a tournament you have to be able to site your sources. 

On the Internet it is easy to create a source or find a dubious one or even one that has been debunked and use it in their argument. When it is pointed out that this is false information is very telling of the person’s character. If they accept that their theory is false or go to try to find more information, that is one kind of character. If they double down and resort to name calling and shouting then they are another kind of person.

Blowhard (n) a person who blusters and boasts in an unpleasant way.

Or most of the Internet at times.

I have dealt with blowhards most of my working life. The entertainment industry is full of them. Comic Book Shops seem to attract them. Retail customers, especially those that want something at a reduced price or free, can be real blowhards. The typical meme Karen is a blowhard and whatever the male equivelant. People who call the cops on other people who are legally gathered and not doing anything illegal. People who use their privilege to cockblock others are blowhards.

They are legion.

I am grateful for the polite people on the Internet and people who know how to debate properly.

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Posted By Kathleen David on September 29, 2020

Right now, there are a couple of things I want to see if I can create. 

Then a friend posted a photo of, basically, a 1920s couture chicken hat that now I really want to recreate two different ways.

There is also the challenge that Bill Senkevich dropped towards the beginning of the pandemic that gave me a rather twisted ides.

And I want to do some of my ideas I was going to debut at Anime NYC especially the dolls.

Then there are the puppets. I am going to make myself a Joe from Legal from Muppets Now. Because everyone loves Joe from Legal. He’ll be great for conventions and pointing out safety.

Having ideas is great but one also has to execute those ideas.

That is why some people are writers. They put the effort behind the ideas that come to their heads. I cannot tell you how many times someone has come up to Peter saying I have this great idea for a book and Peter stops them at that and explains he cannot hear anything else about the idea for legal reasons. 

I need to get my creative mojo back in order. It is in neutral right now. I don’t have any push other than self push. There are no conventions to build towards. There are future conventions but we don’t know when or where.

I also have a couple of projects I have put on the back burner that I really should put out and take another look at.

It is a matter of paring down all these ideas and start working on one or the other rather than staring at them expecting them to make themselves.

I am even looking at making a Halloween costume….

I am grateful for all these ideas.

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Posted By Kathleen David on September 28, 2020

Today is Yom Kipper in which Jews are encouraged to make amends and ask for forgiveness for sins committed in the last year.

The closest equivalent I have in my life is the act of confession. Where we ask God, not the person we wronged for forgiveness. Although that could be part of one’s penance. 

Asking for forgiveness and giving forgiveness for hurts done is sort of not talk about much except in certain situations. 

It is hard to admit we were wrong. Even if we know we were in the wrong.

It can be even harder when we think we are right then we are proven wrong in our beliefs. 

A sincere apology feels amazing. 

An insincere apology just hurts more.

One of the steps in the Alcoholics Anonymous is to make amends to those one has wronged. 

It does not mean that the wronged have to accept the apology. Not everything can be forgiven.

When I apologize, I am sincere. If I screw up, I will cop to it. It is something that I have done most of my life. Because of that, people believe me when I say this one is not on me. 

I try to be an honest person. 

What you see on the Internet is how I am in real life. I have not tried to create a persona for online that is different from how I am off-line. I don’t see the point. I really don’t have another me I want to try on or want to experiment with. 

I have people comment on that when they meet me in person that I am just like I am online. 

I try to live a good and honest life. It makes me feel comfortable.

But we all trip up from time to time.

If I have harmed or upset you, I do apologize sincerely. 

I plan to spend part of the day reflecting on the past year and what I could have done better.

I am grateful for forgiveness.

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Posted By Kathleen David on September 27, 2020

I am not sugar coating this entry. 

This came out of something that happened to a friend who was told that they should be able to do more when they are in their mania phase of their bipolar disorder because that’s how it works.

It got me to thinking how mental health is perceived by the general populous.

First that is not how it works. That is not how any of it works.

Bipolar disorder is a mental disorder that causes unusual shifts in mood, energy, activity levels, concentration, and the ability to carry out day-to-day tasks.

It uses to be called manic-depressive illness. 

The assumption by many is that people who have this are either really sad or really happy and have no in between. 

Mania is not happiness, although some people do feel a euphoria in that phase. A manic episode is characterized by a sustained period of abnormally elevated or irritable mood, intense energy, racing thoughts, and other extreme and exaggerated behaviors. 

It can lead to bad decisions and destructive behavior.

Another fallacy about general depression is that one is sad all the time.

Yeah, I did feel sad at some points but more often I felt numb.

Numb as I didn’t really feel anything. I didn’t care about things that I previous cared about.

Why take care of myself when I didn’t feel like me. Why be concerned about my physical being when I don’t feel connected to me. Why worry about what I put into my body when it didn’t feel like part of me.

The numb feeling is worse than feeling sad and hopeless because then you are at least feeling something.

Anxiety is something else that is misunderstood.

When you live with anxiety, your flight or fight response is in overdrive and on all the time. 

This serious affects your body. There is damage done and the longer you are in this vicious circle, the more it can damage your body.

Stress can kill you. A body under stress can breakdown in all kinds of ways. A body under a stress for a long period of time can destroy physical health.

Trying to get that under control can be very hard to do.

I have worked hard getting my mental health in order and it has not been easy.

I didn’t even realize how far down the pit of despair I had fallen until I finally got some help after totally losing it in my Doctor’s office. 

I was being strong I was feeling numb but not recognizing it for what it was.

My creative output had gone to a minimal amount. Yeah, I could get things done but usually under a deadline and not as well as I would like.

I can put on a brave face. I have learned how to do that all too well. My public mask did not reflect what was going on with me.

Now I am under a Doctor’s supervision and I feel again.

I am glad that this happened before COVID. I have no idea how I would be doing without the help I have now.

It is OK to ask for help. It is OK to talk to your Doctor about your mental health as it does affect your physical health more than we know. It is OK to feel anxious but don’t let it go on too long. 

Right now we are all under stress and there will be consequences that will follow us the rest of our lives.

But if we address what is going on with our mental health, I think we stand a better chance of getting through this.

I am grateful for everyone who has helped me with my mental health.

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Posted By Kathleen David on September 26, 2020

Today is National Daughter Day.

Today Caroline is taking her SATs so think good thoughts for her. It is a rite of passage on her way to the college of her choice.

I have the privilege to watch Caroline grow up. I have seen her go from baby to toddler to child to teen to the young lady she is today.

And she continues to amaze me each and every day.

One thing that the lockdown has done that was a positive is the daily walks that Caroline and I take every day. We get exercise and have gotten to know each other much better. We plan out what we want to do and when. Caroline tells me about things she is interested in and I tell her the same. I listen to her when she needs to just vent about something. We discuss the world around us and what we can do to make it a better place.

We knew each other before and has what we call Mommy/Daughter time, but this daily conversation has only deepened our relationship.

I teach her things and she will take it to the next level. 

She is a good student who knows how to manage her time. She tends to get things done rather than let them hang over her head. She has a good idea how long it takes her to do things and she budgets her time accordingly. These skills will serve her well throughout her life.

She is maturing as an artist and is producing amazing work. I love watching her draw. The focus she has is amazing. 

`She loves to sew and create costumes she can wear along with street clothing. 

She has her own website to sell her artwork which you can find at

Shapeshifter Draws

She does take commissions.

She has shown me how to do things and short cuts on my iPad and iPhone. She has insanely long thumbs which makes it easy for her to text. Her fingers are longer than mine and my fingers are not short.

I think she will do great things in the future. She has the drive to be her best and work towards what she wants.

I am proud of my daughter and all she has accomplished. I look forward to what she will do with her life. 

I am grateful that I have Caroline as a daughter.

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