No Strings Attached

Posted By Kathleen David on May 26, 2011

An Open Letter to my Husband on the event of 10 years after our Wedding

Dear Peter,

Hard to believe 10 years has passed. I can still remember taking my father’s arm to walk down the aisle and feeling a slight tremor in it. I remember turning the corner and everyone stood up but my focus was on you standing there with Harlan, Wally and your dad. My mother joined us and my parents handed me over to you. We used pretty much the traditional vows. We swore in front of G-d and our friends that we wanted to be man and wife.

“Kathleen do you take Peter to be your wedded husband to live together in marriage? Do you promise to love, comfort, honor and keep him for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and forsaking all others, be faithful only to him so long as you both shall live?”

I said I do then and I say it even more fervently now.

You have loved me and I have loved you. I love you more each day that passes. You give me so many reasons to love you. And it is the little things that means so much to me. You know me so well. You can tell when I am tired or out of sorts and you try to help. I feel loved and supported.

You comfort me when things aren’t good. You find ways to make me smile or laugh. Sometimes it is just a gentle touch or word that lets me know that you there if I need you.

You honor me in so many ways. You tell others how great I am and how lucky you are. You trust me as a parent and as a confidant. You trust my intelligence and my ability to pack a car for a convention.

We keep each other close to our hearts. We take care of each other in good times but more importantly we have each other’s back in the bad times. In times of feast and famine we find ways to make it work. We known when the chips are down, we are there for each other.

We have had our health problems over the years but that is just part of living. But each of us has been there for the other when the other is not in the best of shape. We have had the joy of our daughter coming into the world. We have dealt with miscarriage. We dealt with your spine deciding that it doesn’t like you much. We have dealt with injuries I gave myself at a younger age that I would honestly love to go back in time and tell myself to avoid because of what happens down the road especially the playing with chemicals in the theater without gloves.

I have no regrets that I took that vow 10 years ago. It was right then and even more so as time goes on. You are my partner, my love, my rock, and my friend. I still want to spend my life with you. I want to continue to have adventures with you. I want to continue to work with you on various projects. I want you by my side as we grow old. We have each other and in that we have the world.

I love you Peter. Happy Tenth Anniversary!

Love,
Your Wife
Kath

I am betting y’all can tell what I am grateful for today.

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Posted By Kathleen David on May 25, 2011

One of the phrases I have heard from fans a lot over the year is, “You’re married to Peter David? That must be so awesome (or neat or fun or cool)! To which I reply, “Yes, yes it is.”

There are the obvious perks like free travel to interesting places and meeting interesting people. Not having to pay for conventions. Free things that drop into our laps from various projects. The behind the scenes look at things that the public won’t see for 6 months to a year. Props from shows he has worked on. Art work from comic books he has written. Gifts from fellow professionals of things that mean a lot to us. For example, we have the cover to the first But I Digress anthology which was drawn by Neil Gaiman in silver pen (sharpie) on black paper. A number of the recreated props in the Spiderman vault are from our collection. Many interesting people to share a meal with.

Then there are the less obvious perks. I have heard Peter read a lot of his work out loud. There is a novel that he wrote with Caroline’s help and we spent many a pleasant evening with Caroline curled up next to Peter and me sitting on the other couch listen to Peter reading the manuscript. He reads his columns to me, which I love. Yeah, I could read them on my own but I like hearing his voice reading his words. I get to read everything he writes, many times before even his own editor gets to read it. I get to bounce story ideas around with him. My eclectic knowledge is useful to him when he is working out stuff. And there are the times that he and I act out what he wants to write like He came up behind me and asked me to get out of a hold which I did and then describe how I did it.

There is meeting his fans all over the world. They tell us stories about how what Peter has done with his career has been important to them on a personal level. I remember at one convention a man brought up a very battered copy of a Star Trek YA Peter had done. He told Peter how the man had such problems reading and was in special classes and the like but nothing clicked. Then his dad, knowing that his son liked Star Trek, got him the book that he held in his hands and something clicked. He worked his way through that book and became an avid reader of all things after that. He wanted Peter to know how much this book that Peter had written had meant to him. People still use the wedding vows in Imzadi. Comic Book fans come up and say how Peter’s writing encouraged them to do various things in their lives. After I had a miscarriage, which we talked very frankly about, we had a lot of people coming to us and thanking us for giving them a way to be able to talk about what had happened to them or members of their families or friends. Peter had heard about more back problems and surgery stories after we talked about it. What he does means something to a lot of people for many different reasons.

He also cleans out the cat boxes so I don’t have to.

I am grateful for all of Peter’s fans.

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Posted By Kathleen David on May 24, 2011

We don’t have the perfect marriage but we have a good one that we are very comfortable with. We’re very happy in it.

Peter is very supportive for things I want to do and I am the same about him. Balance is important in this. Early in our relationship we found ourselves doing a lot of After you my dear Alphonse trying to defer to the other person which made it close to impossible to pick a restaurant. Then we hit on a clever idea. 3 days a week one would defer to the other and the other three days it would switch. Sunday was given to whoever had a worse week. Some people found this rather odd but it worked for us. We don’t do it anymore because we are more in tune with each other’s rhythms so we can tell when the other needs to be the one to call the shots.

We encourage each other to be our best and strive to improve in our craft. There are times that he takes on a lion’s share of the household so I can get a project done and I do the same for him when he is on a deadline. We give it to each other straight. If it is not our best or something about it feels or looks wrong we tell the other person. If a sculpt looks off to him or a puppet doesn’t look right, he’ll tell me. Sometimes he can express what’s wrong and other times it is more a feeling and I have to take a fresh look at what I am doing. I do read things he is working on and give my opinion about it or tell him what I don’t get about it. We also work on projects together. Headcases came out of Peter and I speculating what a superhero bar would be like and your public face verses your private face.

We provide a united front. If one child gets a No then it is a universal NO. Not maybe or check again until you get a Yes. We discuss things before making big decisions that effect more than just us. We also tend to think alike. We like a lot of the same stuff which makes it easy to watch television or go to the movies. But there are things that one likes and the other doesn’t really care for. I like Project Runway but it is not Peter’s cup of tea.

When you live with someone for 10 years, there are habits that are formed and things that just are. If you try to explain them, you usually end up falling back on, “well, it is just that way.” I know what Peter likes to eat and he knows when I need more sleep. We tag team on some things. Like getting up with Caroline to get her off to school. Some mornings it is me, others him and a majority of the time it is us. But we know when we need to take point for the other. Like this morning I got Caroline off to school because Peter was up until almost 3 AM because he was picking up Ariel and her friend from the train from their adventures at the Drama Desk Awards.

We tried to find pet names for each other and failed horribly. However the cats have several names including “get out of the way”. The kids have nicknames that are used when appropriate. Recently Fig picked up the moniker “burble butt” because of the tribble noise she makes. We call each other by our names Peter and Kath with the usual honeys and dears and sweeties tossed in when needed.
We are in each other’s corner solidly. There are times that I step away from the Internet because people are savaging my husband about things he didn’t do or things he supposedly said. I get very angry when words are taken out of context so it looks like Peter said the exact opposite of what he really said. There is nothing I can do about it really. The Internet savages people all the time without cause or for some imagined slight. (I remember once someone calling Neil all kinds of names because he wouldn’t sign something in the men’s room. Come on people, it’s the men’s room. Not the best place to sign something.) And defending isn’t going to change most of these people’s minds because they have already decided that they are right and nothing is going to change their minds. Occasionally you will run into someone who will listen and really think about what they are doing and change their behavior but those are few and far between. So we rant to each other about things we can do nothing about and we listen to each other so they know that someone heard them.

Relationships are very personal. What works for one couple would be a total disaster for another couple. Relationships are work and quite a bit of it but I think the results are totally worth it. Peter and I are very comfortable with each other. We started as friends and became more. We listen to each other. We help each other. We encourage each other. We sometimes push the other to rise to the challenge. We parent together. When we hit a rough patch, we worked our way through it. More often than not, it is something outside the marriage that we have no control over but we need to address. But there are things we know that we need to continue to work on in the marriage to keep it strong and healthy. Life is never static nor are relationships. Over time I find myself more in love with my husband than I was 10 years ago, which I wouldn’t have thought possible at the time but it is true.

I am grateful for our relationship with each other.

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Posted By Kathleen David on May 23, 2011

Peter wrote his side of the Proposal in his column But I Digress at the time. This is my take on that great but slightly insane day.

In the beginning of September 2000, we went to Disney World to celebrate Ariel’s birthday. We set it up so Ariel didn’t know we were going. We went to the Book Store and talked about how much fun it would be to go to Disney and bought one of the current Birbaum guides. We then went to a local diner and poured through the book talking about the things we would like to do. Ariel was quite animated in this conversation of “what if”. Peter said, “Let’s go now.” Ariel thought he was kidding but in the trunk of the car were the suitcases and I pulled out the plane tickets making it a reality. Once in Orlando Shana, who Ariel hadn’t really seen the entire summer because Shana was at college in Boston and had gotten a summer job, met us much to Ariel’s glee.

I knew that Peter’s sister and her husband would be there at the same time and we had arranged a time to surprise Peter at the Adventurers club. What I didn’t know was that the evening at the Adventurers Club had bigger surprises in store.

Did I have an inkling that there might be a proposal that weekend? Yes, I did but I figured that it was probably going to be at King Stephen’s castle where we had lunch reservations on the next to the last day we were going to be there.

I got a call from Beth that we needed to move the time of the meet up a bit because she and her husband were tired. I told Peter that I wanted to go to the club early because I was feeling a but fatigued and wanted to have energy for the next day. I didn’t catch on until later why all the color went out of Peter’s face.

We had dinner at the Wilderness Lodge and then proceeded to Pleasure Island. We made beeline for the Adventurers Club. We walked in and were greeted by a man in a grass skirt who we knew as the character of Fletcher Hodges having seen the character played by various actors over the years. He greeted us to the club and asked about our adventures. Peter asked him a question that I didn’t hear but I was talking to Ariel at the time while heading to the bar for a Kongaloosh (great drink and I miss it a lot). Peter vanished for a bit but I figured that he was off to the restroom. We lined up and trooped in for the Radio Broadcast since we had missed the Welcome Party. We sat towards the front so Ariel could see and laughed our way through the sketch.

Now at the Adventurers Club being picked on or picked out is not unusual. Everyone seems to get some personal treatment during their time at the club. So we were leaving the Radio Play and shuffling back into the Salon. There was a British Raj Colonel that was a rod puppet who was over the main room fireplace. Usually, when the crowd was exiting back from the Library to the Main Salon the Colonel would be messing with the crowd. I was making my way across the Salon when I found myself in conversation with the Colonel. Which started with the phrase, “My, you are a talk drink of water.” And went from there. I just figured that it was my turn to be targeted but as he continued to talk to me it slowly dawned on me that he was proposing for Peter. Peter was right at my arm and on cue pulled out a blue box and opened it. It was happening. He was asking me to marry him. The world stopped and sped up all at the same time. I said yes very quietly to Peter and then said it louder so all the room could hear my response. There was much cheering and shouts of congratulations from a room of mostly total strangers.

Beth and her husband showed up somewhere in all this and got to see the proposal. The girls were all smiles and I was, according to reports, glowing. The club gave us some t-shirts to commemorate the day and a bottle of the good stuff to celebrate with our friends. Later I was introduced to two of the actors who had done the lion’s share of the proposal work. Turns out they were Peter David fans who were more than happy to help. That was the beginning of a beautiful friendship that continues to this day.

The next day we were in the Magic Kingdom on our way to lunch and I overheard two people who recognized us from the night before. “Those are the two that got engaged last night at the club!” The proposal became legendary at the club and lead to a whole engagement package being created for the club. But we were the first to enlist the whole club into helping.

I am so grateful to all the people who helped make that magical night what it was.

If you care to read Peter’s version of the Proposal, you can find it here.

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Posted By Kathleen David on May 22, 2011

DragonCon 1997 was a busy one for me. I was helping out with tech as I passed the whole shooting match over to Bill Harrison. I had been tech chair for a number of years for the convention. I was also helping out some friends who were dealers and had some puppets in the Art Show. We were at the Apparel Mart Conference Center at the time with various tracks back at the hotels so I was doing a lot of running around. Peter was down for the convention with his daughter Gwen. He was the MC of the Masquerade that year. He was dressed up as Moses and Gwen as Cleopatra. He did his usual splendid job. During the break he came up to me back at the tech table and told me that he wanted to talk to me. We compared schedules and decided to meet up before the Babylon 5 panel or at the end of the panel due to time.

We managed to meet and he asked if I could walk with him because they were on their way to the airport. I said yes. He told me very quickly since we didn’t have a lot of time because I had to get back to strike that he and his then wife were separated and he wanted to see if I was interested in dating at some point. I was thunderstruck at the information that he and his wife has separated because that was probably the last thing I expected to hear from him so I wasn’t processing the dating part.

Thank goodness for AOL Instant Messenger. We connected there and chatting about things. He invited me to come up to attend the Marvel Christmas Party with him. I wasn’t doing a show at the time so I went. This was our first date. We went there with Jo Duffy. It was quite crowded with Marvel writers, artists, and editors. I met a lot of new people and said hello to some very old friends. I got watch John Byrne, Chris Clairmont, and Peter have a debate about the direct market with other people hopping in and out of the conversation. I met Bobby Chase who was Peter’s editor on the Hulk at the time. It was a lot of fun. I had to go back pretty much the next day because I was starting rehearsal for the next show I was stage-managing. So it was a rather whirlwind visit. We left with the knowledge that we got along in person as well if not better than on the Internet.

Our next date came out of Peter doing a signing at the comic book shop I was working for at the time. We had arranged that I could take the weekend off and we went to Disney World together for the first time. This was sort of the make or break date since it was going to be just us without fans or fellow pros or a convention to distract us.

We had a great time and he re-introduced me to the Adventurer’s Club on Pleasure Island. We spent every night we were there at the club watching the shows and just enjoying each other’s company. We wandered around the various parks showing each other things we liked about Disney and found ourselves showing each other the things that we both liked. We rode the Haunted House a number of times along with Pirates of the Caribbean. We got to know each other a lot better and wanted to make a go of it as boyfriend and girlfriend.

Next the Proposal from my point of view

I am grateful for AOL had IMs which made it possible for us to get to know each other.

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