No Strings Attached

Posted By Kathleen David on May 29, 2019

Caroline went back to school after her last break before the end of her sophomore year. Having finished her AP tests, she is getting ready for her Regents tests in a number of her courses. She had about a month and then she has her summer before her. She is applying for jobs since she received her working papers. Next on the list is her learner’s permit. She has a bank account. I feel like this is the turning point from child to adult. I find it a little hard that in a year and a half she will be an adult according to her age.

We went to a Long Island Ducks game for our anniversary. One of the reasons I love going to a Ducks game is the good tickets are about the cost of a movie ticket. You don’t have to break the bank to be able to really see the game. We had seats in the shade with a terrific view from behind home plate. As a bonus, we caught a foul ball. Well it bounced off Caroline’s rib cage and fell behind us and we had to fight for it but we got a foul ball. She has a bruise on her rib cage but no broken ribs since it was a glancing blow.

The cats are stretched out in what they claim as their spots for their morning naps.  This happens after I get up since I am the one that gives them their daily wet food. Once they have full bellies from that, they settle down for their morning nap. Inky sleeps on her back for the most part. Fig either tucks her feet under her and turns into a cat loaf or rolls up into a tight ball. Mewlan tries to take up as much room as possible with her body. 

I feel like I am going in too many directions right now. There is so much I want/need to do before the end of June. I have to remind myself to make some time for me in all this.

I am grateful for anything I get done in the next couple of days.

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Posted By Kathleen David on May 28, 2019

I discovered that we are doing a lot of traveling this summer. In fact a little more than I expected to do.

This means I have the month of June and two weeks in August to complete any puppets, costumes, and other things that I want to get done before DragonCon.

That’s a little less time than I thought I had but I am going to make it work.

Caroline is sorting out what cos-play she wants to do and what she has and what she needs.

I have my puppet slam idea and half a script. I do know a number of puppets I need to make but there may be one or two to add.

I have a few I want to make for other conventions for various reasons.

Now I have to come up with a reasonable plan and stick to it.

I am grateful for opportunities that lead to fun adventures in puppetmaking.

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Posted By Kathleen David on May 27, 2019

If you had a time machine and could go back and tell a young me that down the road I would be able to call Harlan Ellison a member of my extended family, I would have probably laughed really hard and dismissed you out of hand.

Harlan Ellison wrote a lot and I have read many of those narratives both fiction and non-fiction. I cannot say that I have read everything that he wrote because there are still stories for me to read. I did read the classics of his oeuvre.

Peter introduced me to Harlan shortly after I moved up to New York. It was my first I-Con and he was the guest of honor. I was met with no little suspicion on both Harlan and Susan’s parts. And who could blame them after what Peter was going through with his first marriage crumbling and the divorce and they didn’t know me from Adam other than what Peter had told them. We went out to dinner and I got grilled by Harlan. My theatrical background seemed to give me some footing with him but still having Harlan focus on you could be very daunting.

As time went on and Harlan observed me with Peter, I found myself being included into his circle of friends. By the time he was best man at our wedding, he considered me family.

A phone call from Harlan was always an adventure. He could be playing a character to see if you could figure out it was him or he needed some piece of information and that was it or he just wanted to check up on you.

Once you were his friend, unless you did something really stupid, he had your back no matter what. If you did do something stupid, he would tell you that you did. The man had little to no filter.

That lack of filter was one of the best and most frustrating things about him at the same time. But it you knew Harlan, you just adjusted for it.

I remember during Peter’s stroke, I would get a call every couple of days from Harlan to check up on Peter and his progress. Once we had that squared away, he would take the time to find out how I was doing and how the girls were doing especially Caroline. There was one day that things were going particularly bad for many reasons and there was a lot of uncertainty as to how this was all going to shake out that he called. He could tell by my voice that it was not a good day and talked to me for quite a while to make sure that I was OK and able to get on with what I had to do. There are a lot of phone calls I had with Harlan that I appreciate but that one saved me and gave me the strength to go on when I was about to just give up.

He and Susan gave Caroline her favorite blanket that is called Pink Blankie. Now it is more like Pink Rag but she still has the pieces in a pillowcase she made for it. She remembers her Uncle Harlan with great affection. He gave her the nickname Caroline Helen Helen David which we still call her.

I think what I miss most about Harlan not being in the world is that I can’t just get on the phone and call him about whatever and when the phone rings, it is not him on the other end of the line with a joke he just has to tell us or some piece of trivia he wanted to check on or just making sure we were OK.

I miss meals with him. Dinner with Harlan was always an event with information about the place he was taking you to and why he was taking you there. And during the meal the discourse was always worth it. He would bring together groups of people that he thought should meet and over a meal you went from having Harlan as a mutual acquaintance to having a new friend.

I miss doing conventions with him. Harlan at a convention meant there was probably going to be one or two more good stories to be told.

For many years Harlan was part of my life, first through his writings and then through our friendship. He is still a part of it in odd ways and will probably always be.

Happy Birthday Harlan, you are loved and missed.

I am grateful I had Harlan in my life.

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Posted By Kathleen David on May 27, 2019

Apparently the 18^thwedding anniversary gift suggestion is porcelain. So a really good coffee mug? Drink too much and pray to the porcelain gawd?

At eighteen year in terms of human numbers is the year you become an adult in the eyes of the law. Your parents are no longer responsible for your legal shenanigans.

These days, according to statistics, eighteen years of marriage is pretty doggone good.

One thing I did know going into this contract is that I was in it for the long haul.  

Peter and I had each other’s backs when we were dating but with marriage we became a team.

And we have done pretty well as such.

We are each other’s sounding boards for just about ever aspect of our lives. The nice thing is that we are very honest with each other. If it is a bad idea we will tell the other or give them another way to looking at it. Peter has told the tale of how I came up with Maddrox’s split personality for X-Factor at a number of conventions. It was an idea that I had which he took and ran with to flesh it out. There have been other times we have been brainstorming and we work off of each other’s ideas building to something very cool. But if an idea just doesn’t work, we tell each other. There was something Peter wanted to do in a comic but he came to me first because the subject matter was, at that time, a keg of dynamite. I told him to stay as far away from it as possible. Later someone was bullied off the Internet because of the same subject matter. Bullet dodged.

Yes we have that cute or unfortunate ability to finish each other’s sentences. We try to not do that in public. There are times I am his memory about events that have happened in our lives or some piece of trivia that he needs and he’s my spell checker.

We hold hands in public and in private. Sometimes for support and sometimes because it is nice to hold hands.  

We don’t hide things from one and other except gifts and we stink at that.

We know each other’s likes, dislikes and allergies.

We just know each other very well.

Ours, to me, is a very comfortable marriage and it is the kind of marriage I need to be in.

Happy Anniversary Peter! Here’s to another 18 years and more. By the way for the 36th anniversary the present suggest is bone china that is a form of porcelain.

I am grateful for my marriage with Peter.

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Posted By Kathleen David on May 24, 2019

I, Kathleen take you, Peter to be my lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. -Wedding vows that I said in front of my family and friends almost eighteen years ago.

My lawfully Wedded Husband

I agreed to legally bind myself to Peter. That in the eyes of the law, we are husband and wife with all the rights and privileges given with the covenant of marriage.  I wear a wedding ring so that the world can know that I have done so.

To have and to hold from this day forward

There is an additional line that is in some version of the vow which states ‘forsaking all others’. This is a promise of monogamy. A promise to love and care for the other person.  The day to day support that we give each other to get through the day. If that is producing a meal or giving a hug or finding the car keys, then that is what we do. Peter knows I have his back and I know he has mine. We are a team.

For better, for worse

The good times are easy. It is the laughter and love from those times that gets one through the bad times. And there are bad times. Part of how a marriage works is how one gets through the bad times. Peter and I work together to get through them. It not always easy and sometimes one wonders if the light at the end of the tunnel is the way out or the oncoming train. I hold onto our good times to help remind me when things do go south that there will be more in the future. It is not easy but it must be done.

For richer, for poorer

Most people automatically think money on this part. Money does play a role in a marriage in so many ways. Lack of money can be very scary and lead to all kinds of issues that can affect a relationship. But I think it is more than money. There is the emotional component of any relationship. And there are ups and downs within that. There are times that one feels the love and warmth of emotion from their partner and other times where one loves their partner but they might not like them very much for whatever reason. We can be rich with friends or social engagements. For us social engagements means bowling and conventions for the most part. On rare occasions we get together with friends outside those. Then there are the times that it is just us.

In sickness and in health

One does not run away because one’s partner is sick. I know this one all too well. Peter’s stroke taught me a lot about that one phrase. He said that he would understand if I wanted to walk away a number of times during his hospitalization and rehabilitation. I kept quoting him that part of our wedding vows. Part of my duties as Peter’s wife is to work to keep him healthy. I make sure that he has what he needs to not get sick. I watch what I put into the food I feed him. I encourage him to exercise. I run to the pharmacy and get his medications that he needs to continue to be healthy. I do what I can so that we don’t have sick days around here.

till death do us part

We made a commitment to each other on that day. This was not something we were going to try out to see if it would work. This is a lifetime commitment to each other and each other’s well being. And we make adjustments for each other along the way. It is a partnership. And our relationship grows and changes every day. Where we are today is different from where we were a week ago or a month ago. A marriage is, in some ways, a living thing. The only thing that will part us is the passing of one of us.

I am grateful that I said those vows in front of my family and friends for all to hear.

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