No Strings Attached

Posted By Kathleen David on March 30, 2020

Day 15 of the Homebound Saga

I think my proudest achievement yesterday was getting a cabinet in the kitchen sorted out that has been kind of a mess for years. Now I can get to things I need without having to pray that other things don’t fall out all over the floor. 

Today I venture out to get food and a few other things we need around the house including a trip to CVS, the hardware store, post office, and the grocery store. I have gloves to wear for each stop and wipes for the steering wheel. 

I am figuring that we are going to be here until May given the information we have and what we need to do for the people of this country. Then we have to see what is happening in the rest of the company. Given where we are, I am figuring that DragonCon is the next convention we might make but I am hoping it will be Shoreleave.

Again, it is for the good of the people and so our country doesn’t have a population drop larger than the black plague.

Oh, John Oliver was new last night and very good. Also a number of the late night hosts are doing short pieces online. Trevor Noah is hitting it out of the park.

I have essential tremors like so many others. For many it is not even noticeable until they are much older. I got the short straw and they became rather more obvious in my 40s. When I am stressed, I find that they are worse. Yesterday was a very bad day for the shakes. I had to be so very careful about handling things and make sure I had a grip on an object. I then had to pray that the grip would hold. 

I have been reading a number of articles online about the stress of the situation we are in and the mental health side of the coin. There are breakdowns of what isolation does to people and the uncertainty of what is next. 

We are all under pressures we have never experienced in our lives or even our parents’ lives.

People react differently to this. 

There is no wrong way to feel about it. Whatever you feel is valid. It is not weak to feel scared or angry or confused or sad or…

I know I have to be strong for my family. I am the practical stage manager who keeps the trains running on time and have been for years. 

But I am scared about any of my family getting the virus. I have already lost two friends and had another friend lose their partner of 20 years. Those are solid examples of what is happening out there that bring it home to me.

I have friends who parents are in their last days and they cannot visit in person and offer comfort to them. That is probably one of the cruelest things right now.

 I cannot be with Peter when he has a doctor’s appointment which is something I did so I would have the same information that he does since I am his caretaker and medicine procurer. It is the same for Caroline even though she is a minor until December. 

And that is very frustrating on so many levels.

The only reason Caroline and I can walk together is that we are living in the same house so we are isolated with each other. But I have seen other people walked together at a distance around our neighborhood. One of the things that is keeping me sane are our walks and being able to do cardio along with getting some sunshine on our skins. 

I have to remind myself that whatever I get done in a day is enough. I do get frustrated that I cannot do more or I find myself wasting time doing something that is not moving projects forward. I need to remember that wasting time is not evil but part of the whole of the day. Nor is napping especially when I have had a crap night’s sleep. 

And that is important to remember. What you get done is what you get done be it work or home cleaning or cooking or exercising or…

Right now I am saying to myself “Dayenu”, which loosely translates to ‘it would have been enough’. 

So be kind to yourself. Practice some selfcare. Do what you need to do to get to the next day and know that whatever you get done is enough.

I am grateful for nitrile gloves.

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