No Strings Attached

Posted By Kathleen David on May 27, 2019

If you had a time machine and could go back and tell a young me that down the road I would be able to call Harlan Ellison a member of my extended family, I would have probably laughed really hard and dismissed you out of hand.

Harlan Ellison wrote a lot and I have read many of those narratives both fiction and non-fiction. I cannot say that I have read everything that he wrote because there are still stories for me to read. I did read the classics of his oeuvre.

Peter introduced me to Harlan shortly after I moved up to New York. It was my first I-Con and he was the guest of honor. I was met with no little suspicion on both Harlan and Susan’s parts. And who could blame them after what Peter was going through with his first marriage crumbling and the divorce and they didn’t know me from Adam other than what Peter had told them. We went out to dinner and I got grilled by Harlan. My theatrical background seemed to give me some footing with him but still having Harlan focus on you could be very daunting.

As time went on and Harlan observed me with Peter, I found myself being included into his circle of friends. By the time he was best man at our wedding, he considered me family.

A phone call from Harlan was always an adventure. He could be playing a character to see if you could figure out it was him or he needed some piece of information and that was it or he just wanted to check up on you.

Once you were his friend, unless you did something really stupid, he had your back no matter what. If you did do something stupid, he would tell you that you did. The man had little to no filter.

That lack of filter was one of the best and most frustrating things about him at the same time. But it you knew Harlan, you just adjusted for it.

I remember during Peter’s stroke, I would get a call every couple of days from Harlan to check up on Peter and his progress. Once we had that squared away, he would take the time to find out how I was doing and how the girls were doing especially Caroline. There was one day that things were going particularly bad for many reasons and there was a lot of uncertainty as to how this was all going to shake out that he called. He could tell by my voice that it was not a good day and talked to me for quite a while to make sure that I was OK and able to get on with what I had to do. There are a lot of phone calls I had with Harlan that I appreciate but that one saved me and gave me the strength to go on when I was about to just give up.

He and Susan gave Caroline her favorite blanket that is called Pink Blankie. Now it is more like Pink Rag but she still has the pieces in a pillowcase she made for it. She remembers her Uncle Harlan with great affection. He gave her the nickname Caroline Helen Helen David which we still call her.

I think what I miss most about Harlan not being in the world is that I can’t just get on the phone and call him about whatever and when the phone rings, it is not him on the other end of the line with a joke he just has to tell us or some piece of trivia he wanted to check on or just making sure we were OK.

I miss meals with him. Dinner with Harlan was always an event with information about the place he was taking you to and why he was taking you there. And during the meal the discourse was always worth it. He would bring together groups of people that he thought should meet and over a meal you went from having Harlan as a mutual acquaintance to having a new friend.

I miss doing conventions with him. Harlan at a convention meant there was probably going to be one or two more good stories to be told.

For many years Harlan was part of my life, first through his writings and then through our friendship. He is still a part of it in odd ways and will probably always be.

Happy Birthday Harlan, you are loved and missed.

I am grateful I had Harlan in my life.

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